I'll dive into one of my insecurities today, I really don't have any super exciting news on the acting front and this insecurity is heavy on my mind right now. Anyone that has met me within the past 4 years has met me being in the best shape of my life. My weight, however, has always been a struggle and it's an insecurity that can pop up every now and again. I've gotten better at dealing with it but sometimes it finds a way to really bring me down; I'll find myself stressing over exercise and healthy eating which will cause me to hold onto belly fat because I'm stressed, then I stress that I can't loose the belly fat, then I stress because I'm stressed and well yea...it gets out of hand.
While I have been unemployed I have really tried to ensure that I keep my physical activity up. On a normal day at work I would walk from the MARTA stop to my office twice a day, have the general activity of being active in a workplace, and then of course my actual workouts. I've been good at not being a couch potato everyday these past four weeks in addition to continuing my exercise routine but I still feel like I'm loosing "calorie expenditure." Foolishly, I thought that I could use this time to really concentrate on my vapid desire to have a six pack. LOL. LOL again. I didn't take into account the actual stress that comes with unemployment, the added stress of being an actor, general 20's growing pains, and the stress I give myself about my weight. Needless to say, I am not shredded by any means and in those moments of near hysteria I feel like I've actually gained weight.
I'm currently in the middle of COMPLETELY avoiding alcohol for a while; I don't have a drinking problem but I feel (felt) like maybe if I stopped taking in those excess calories, watched my macros, exercised intently, and got sleep I would loose weight. For the record, I am pretty darn healthy, last time I checked I was at 15% body fat. That's not shredder level but it's not bad either. I'm pretty sure it's obvious that I work out. Point is, the 3-5 pounds of belly fat I have is ridiculously insignificant in the larger picture but, this is the stuff of insecurity, folks! All those years of being overweight still hangs on to me sometimes and since I don't have lower abs, I feel still overweight sometimes. I know, it doesn't make sense. Anyhow, among the alcohol thing, I've really up kicked my water intake and "streamlined" my diet which brings me to the title of this post. I've been eating a lot of chicken lately, it's probably the cheapest, most versatile, and leanest meat you can have. Side note, I went home this past weekend for mothers day and seriously tried not to eat chicken I was so tired of it, I kinda succeeded. I tried to get creative with my chicken this week, I needed something to spice up my biggest source of protein. EUREAKA! Slow cooker pulled chicken! None of the recipes I found seemed "healthy" enough so I improvised my own recipe with minimal added "junk"; a lot of the recipes call for sauces which can quadruple the sugar and carbs of an otherwise lean dish. When I tell you that the slow cooked chicken I made this week is anointed, I mean southern baptist-falling out in the middle of service anointed. It's really good. I actually was legit upset I didn't get to eat it until Wednesday...I waited too long to make it and the slow cooker part was SLOW, so it was past dinner time on Tuesday when the dish was finally ready.
Stress is a biological thing, primitive sometimes but necessary. Same goes for fat. Neither will ever go away. I know I'm getting better at dealing with my weight, stress, and living a healthy lifestyle. Will this self inflicted prohibition last? Nope! Not at all. A group of my friends are coming to Atlanta next weekend, it's Memorial Day Weekend, I'm going to a concert, and I'm 26...We. Will. Be. Drinking. Will this increased water intake last, I think so. It's not super outlandish and I actually like how I feel when I stay hydrated. Every little nuanced thing I'm trying to do right now to rid myself of belly fat will not last, it's not sustainable. I know this, yet I try them. Why? I try them because inevitably I learn something, from each thing I do, I learn what works and what doesn't. I'm consistent. Like the slow cooker, it's not fast and the change is gradual. I would never disgrace the chicken I made this week and say I'll be anointed like it was when I'm done "cooking" but I'll be better.
Let me also say that I don't think we ever stop "cooking", we're always learning and growing, hopefully.
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