Here we are a week later after appearing on FX Atlanta and making my Silver screen debut. First, what an episode; mark my words, this episode will be nominated for an Emmy. Second, every single euphoric feeling that a human can feel I felt last week, I had to re-watch the episode because the first time through I was in a Tizz waiting to see if I made it through editing...then when I heard my voice, I flipped OUUUUUT! Many thanks to everyone who loved on me and supported my debut. Third, nothing has changed for me in terms of my acting career haha (at least that I can see right now.) I knew this would be the case but I can't help but feel just a tad disappointed. It's like on Sundays when you really want some Chick-fil-A; you know they are closed but you still drive by and look inside thinking maybe they'll be open, but you see they aren't and feel just a little upset. That's an actor's struggle...that feeling almost everyday.
I'm in an audition drought at the moment too, I haven't heard from my agent or received an audition in THREE WEEKS! To make me a little more anxious, yesterday was my one year anniversary of being signed. No pomp and circumstance for my one year, just silence lol. Am I still signed? That's the emotional side talking, I'll silence him and let the rational side state that I'm 99% sure I'm still signed, there just aren't any roles that fit me at the moment, plus the new look probably made CDs (casting directors) get a different feel for me so they are adjusting what they call me in for.
I just finished reading Jenna Fischer's (aka Pam from the Office) semi-autobiographical self help book: "The Actors Life: A Survival Guide". Great book, even better when you read it in her voice, like I did haha. In the book Jenna talks about droughts, persistence, and all the ups and downs of being a working actor. Part of what I got from the book was that the "ups" ALWAYS make up for the "downs." I am fighting a "down" right now because of the lack of auditions, literally being on the downside of my TV debut, and my impatience, "I want it noooooooooooow" (kudos if you read that like Veruca Salt from Charlie in the Chocolate Factory). To help my fight, I recalled the message I sent to some of my close friends who came over to watch the episode with me:
That feeling I had at 9:24pm EST, that "Euphoric Tapestry" thing, that is the type of "up" that sustains me through these "downs." And as long as I keep adding to that tapestry it will always be large enough to cover me whenever I'm down.
Be who you want to be a week from now, today.
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